Letting go is not easy. I often hear this being said and my response is “Wow, I totally understand! It’s hard to let go of things, such as time with friends, grudges, mistakes, people growing up and moving on in their life, etc.”
Today, I entered a part of my life with a different form of letting go. Letting go of what you believe defines you and your identity; your life’s work. For many, including myself, this has been my career path. My heart, my passion, my purpose! I am so proud of what I have accomplished in my professional career.
Today, I felt a strange sense of a “change of heart” for me. It has been a difficult time for me right now as I am working through some health issues and I just need to rest my mind and body. This afternoon I was exhausted; I couldn’t focus, my balance was off, and I just needed to re-boot. It was at that time, a sense of urgency and freedom collided. It was similar to that moment a few weeks ago when I was pushed into a decision of change at a time I was not able to control. Remember, God is in control!
Today, it hit me that I may no longer be able to perform at the level I once did. Wait, what?! Those things are what define me, my identity. Really? At that same point of panic/angst, something new happened. The simple life of care and compassion, organization and silence called my name. After a very small mind battle (which I still don’t understand why I didn’t fight it), I felt a sense of peace and freedom. You see, it was like I recognized and accepted that my purpose is now His purpose. My identity does not have to be what it was, and it will be okay to not be known for those things that I felt defined me before. I feel like there is new identity awaiting me, one where I can find freedom and purpose on a different path, one led by God. My heart, my passion, and my purpose are now focused on what He has planned for me, even without knowing what that is right now.
Along the way, I am letting go of material things to follow this new purpose, losing connections to acquaintances and friends, and a sense of belonging with certain groups. (Looking back I was not really fond of being connected with most of those groups anyway. They were not headed in the direction I wanted to follow; the ship had changed course a while ago.)
Most excitingly, I am also letting go of worry and anxiety, self-doubt and judgment, a muted voice, and a controlling environment. The sense of living simply has never sounded enticing to me, but I now have a feeling of freedom, like the gate has been opened for me. I believe letting go will lead to an even better place. Only time will tell…